Why do you care
Mercy is such a foreign term in our communities. We actively look for a black dot on anyone who is doing good. Why? So we have something to talk about at our next gathering. Funnily enough, most of these conversations start with "I don't want to talk about people, but..." and they proceed to spill every secret they can think of. Some even go through the trouble of making things up just so they have something to contribute. It's like the age of Jahiliya compressed into one single gathering. Why do we care? Why do you care that this person broke up with that person or that this guy is a drug dealer, or this person's husband is hanging out on the notorious weed wall at the park?
"Do not concern yourself with things about which you have no knowledge. Verily, your hearing, sight, and heart—all of them will be called to account." (Qur'an 17:36)
How does this information benefit you? Better yet, how does relaying this information to every Tom, Dick, and Harry you see help you in any way?
What people don't realize is that karma's a b****. Whatever goes around, comes around. Subhan Allah, when it eventually comes around, we all get amnesia and wonder, "Why is this happening? I've never spoken ill about anyone."
The sad thing is, our youth are the ones who go looking for information and organize gatherings for the sole purpose of gossiping. When you see young girls who go and find gossip just to have a way to connect and speak with their mothers, then you know something needs fixing. Instead of us, the youth, breaking this cycle of hate and gossip in our communities, we proceed to make it stronger.
Let me tell you all the trick I've learned about how to make gossiping permissible. You say three magic words as soon as you finish talking rubbish, and all will be forgiven: "Astaghfirullah, ya Rabb." Done, clean slate.
Maybe, if you are sincere, Allah (Swt) will forgive, He is the most merciful, and no one can put limitations on God's mercy. But it's common knowledge that when you gossip, it is not just Him who needs to forgive you, but also the person(s) that you spent the last hour speaking about whom you need to seek forgiveness from.
"Speak only when your words are more beautiful than silence." - Imam Ali (a.s)
We need to be better. We need to advocate for one another and push one another closer to Allah (Swt). And honestly, even without Islam telling us that backbiting is forbidden, it's common knowledge on how to be a decent human.
Also, if you are a bystander and can hear someone gossiping, even if you do not utter a single word, you have become just as bad, if not worse than the gossiper. Speak up, even if it means you will be gaslighted or shrugged off. It's still worth trying to stop it.
We have all fallen victim to gossiping, and no one is perfect. But to make a change, we need to first recognize the problem and focus on killing our Nafs. In turn, the issue will no longer be accepted in our community.
Yours Truly,
That Muslim Girl
Disclaimer: All my writings are aimed at myself first and foremost, I am but a servant of my Imam (a.s) trying to seek knowledge.